On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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