you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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