Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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