Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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