Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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