Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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