Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
