she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
