so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
