I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
