dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
