So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
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The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
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I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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