my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
