I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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