I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
