I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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