i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
