Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize