I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
