You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
