I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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