I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
