she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
