Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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