Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
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Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
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could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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