I cannot find my penis.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
