My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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