I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
