chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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