I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
