And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
