Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You dont lie about slip and slides
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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