Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
