Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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