Fine. I'll sleep in my office
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
