I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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