He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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