Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
