I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize