Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
