____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
