I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
