the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
