White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
