Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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