I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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