dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
