Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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