Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
