Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
no, he came in my armpit
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
