are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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