i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
