Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
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I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
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Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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