ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just high enough for therapy.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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