its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
