My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Hippo gnu deer
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
