Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
