he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
