i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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