and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Randomize
