my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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