Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
