I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
