So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
