she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
