He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Say something about gay babies.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
