Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
