I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
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I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
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You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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