maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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