Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
