I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
