Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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