new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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