cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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