I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize