I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
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Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
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The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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