If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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