well I can't set my house on fire every night
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
