Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
