i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
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we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
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IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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