The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
