The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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