I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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