I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Never joke about your clitoris.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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